It's not about what you've got!

[sheddie]

Do you agree with me, it's not about what you've got or haven't got , looks wise,weight, disabilities, wealth or the like, it's about who you are?I just form my own opinion of someone and like them regardless of what anyone else says.X:)

[eleanor2]

i find everybody interesting in a way.i am glad we are all different.i can chat happily with my brainy friend about logics .we have some really good conversations.i can have a laugh with the lady who is forgetful and a bit unintelligent.yet she is the one who has done interesting things like go to see lulu and another star when she was young.my brainy friend is very logical i am illogical often.she is very mathamatical with no imagination.i am hopeless at maths with a vivid imagination.lets face it we wouldn't like to be them.they wouldn't like to be us. variety really is the spice of life.

[sheddie]

At the end of the day I'd still rather be me wouldn't you? X

[eleanor2]

most definately i am a bit potty sometimes.i love being with people who can let there hair down and have a laugh.i love people who can use their imagination ,or just have a good chat without worrying what people think. life is short ,so enjoy what you can of it.

[Serenity]

Hi ladies, don't know about you but some of the happiest people I know are the ones that accept that they are who they are. Quite often its the ones who are constantly striving to be something else who are the unhappiest. x

[Crocus]

I fully agree Sheds, it's not about what you've got. I work hard at the boys as well to understand this. The youngsters are sometimes quick to say that so and so are lucky and a nice person because they've got this or that. And yes, I'm quite happy to be me. Get cross with myself every now and then, but after a good talk with myself, and some deep digging, I carry on again.

[Crocus]

I received the following via email from a good friend:

"The other day a young person asked me how I felt about being old. I was taken aback, for I do not think of myself as old. Upon seeing my reaction, she was immediately embarrassed, but I explained that it was an interesting question, and I would ponder it, and let her know.

Old Age, I decided, is a gift.


I am now, probably for the first time in my life, the person I have always wanted to be. Oh, not my body! I sometime despair over my body, the wrinkles, the baggy eyes, and the sagging butt. And often I am taken aback by that old person that lives in my mirror (who looks like my mother!), but I don't agonize over those things for long.


I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've become more kind to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend.
I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn't need, but looks so avante garde on my patio. I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant.
I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.

Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 AM and sleep until noon?


I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60&70's, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love ... I will.


I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set.

They, too, will get old.

I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And I eventually remember the important things.


Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody's beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.


I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver.

As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don't question myself anymore. I've even earned the right to be wrong.


So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day. (If I feel like it)"

[Serenity]

Hi Crocus,
What a great sentiment, it reminds me of one of my favourite poems by Jenny Joseph,

When I am an old woman, I shall wear purple
with a red hat that doesn't go, and doesn't suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
and satin candles, and say we've no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I am tired
and gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
and run my stick along the public railings
and make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
and pick the flowers in other people's gardens
and learn to spit.
You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat
and eat three pounds of sausages at a go
or only bread and pickles for a week
and hoard pens and pencils and beer nuts and things in boxes.

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry
and pay our rent and not swear in the street
and set a good example for the children.
We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.
But maybe I ought to practice a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.

[dinger]

What lovely and true words Crocus I will print them off and keep them .A great way of looking at ourselves getting older .Thank you for sharing with us .

[Katelb]

You took the words out of my mouth dinger,that is a wonderful account of how to be happy in your own skin and it is worthy of wider publication.It is written in such a way as to appeal to anyone who may be always striving for something else bigger and better.Well said Crocus.
Love that poem Serenity,it really makes me smile,I think I shall have to get a purple coat and a red hat!!!
A friend once said to me that the greatest compliment you could pay to anyone is just to "be yourself" after all ,most friends like you for who you are,just 'yourself'.A real NTN.

[Crocus]

Hi Serenity, it is a great sentiment eh. Loved your poem as well.

Hi Dinger, it's a different way of looking at ourselves isn't it?

[gothfairy]

Do you agree with me, it's not about what you've got or haven't got , looks wise,weight, disabilities, wealth or the like, it's about who you are?I just form my own opinion of someone and like them regardless of what anyone else says.X:)

Don't take this the wrong way, but often this kind of remark is made by someone who has perfect health, teeth, skin, body weight and size and shape.... like a lot of people who say money isn't important are people who actually have quite a lot of it.

It is true to say that we should all look beyond the physical to the person beneath, that the outer appearance is not of any importance. But if we are honest, I suspect there are some of us to whom appearances do matter... who for instance, could say with hand on heart, that what their partner looked like when they first met had no impact on them at all? If it did, then appearances do count after all, and there is nothing wrong with that. It's the first impression we get of someone after all, and like we all say, you have to look beneath that outer skin to the beauty that is often hidden inside.

We should all make our own minds up about people, not be swayed by what other say, yes I would agree. On the other hand, not everyone speaks ill of people for no real/good reason... there might be something in what they say, so we can't always disregard the advice of others. As a teenager, did you let what your parents thought about the friends you made, put you off them, or did it make you more determined to be friends?

[eleanor2]

its like my neighbour he shaves his head ,wears leather jacket etc.he is either at work or in the pub.he rolls home some evenings at 9p.m a bit wobbly.his is the only scruffy house on the whole row.yet you couldn't get a nicer person.he is so friendly.i think some people try to be friendly to every-one.you then see the good past what appearances say.you know there are three alcoholics live around the corner.i even say a cheery hello to them.they are nice and friendly too.yet it must be horrible living next door to people who are drunkards and drug addicts who are nasty.you hear some awful things.i am trying to say that people can be nice or nasty not by their circumstances but their personality.

[sheddie]

Gothfairy, if you've read any of my past posts and replies you will already know that i am not perfect by any means, have always worked from a poor background to earn a living, visit the Dr. and dentist like everyone else and am not well off either.All I am saying is people are more important.I never did and don't go by anyones looks, good or bad and feel people with disabilities have been given a gift in a different way that's all, so maybe once again I fall into the catergory of Not The Norm.

[keepersdaughter]

I made a similar comment to a poster on here a week or so ago on the Friends Reunited post, something along the lines of 'it's who you are not where you've been that counts'. The thing is I doubt if any one would think they themselves are judgemental in any way. I don't recall anyone I've ever been acquainted with ever making derogitory or judgemental remarks about anyone with any kind of disability, and to be honest I wouldn't be interested in being acquainted with that person any longer - now does that make me judgemental?. I can't tell you the number of outright rude comments i have received from Americans because I'm English and English people because I'm married to a 'yank'. People have not taken the time or even been interested in getting to me as a person rather just hearing my or my husband's accent. I am also still am carrying 60 pounds of babyweight from nearly twenty years ago :rolleyes:. I've observed skinny women, particularly blondes get treated differently. I have noticed I get a lot better service in shops for example if I take a little extra care with my appearance and dress smarter than just everyday. I think people generally put way too much 'value' on appearance and things whether they realise it or not.

One thing I've learned is just because someone is very attractive or has a lot of material possessions or drives the latest Mercedes, does not automatically mean they are conceited or think they are superior necessarily. I had a friend who is extremely beautiful, I didn't know 'who' she was when we met, we were just 'Mums' who got chatting on the school playground waiting for our children. We remained friends for many years, even though we moved to different parts of the world. One thing I learned was, despite her appearance she was desparately insecure inside and her antiques, jewels, expensive cars etc. were a kind of dressing or armour to build her self confidence. I think she valued my friendship at the time because I didn't know who she was at the time we became friends and I saw her as another Mum. We are not one dimensional, we are all made up of many parts, good and bad , not just looks, possessions, opinions, or where life happened to lead us. Rather than focus on the negative or just one part of a person, it's better to focus on finding the good and accepting the others parts that make us all unique and individual.

There's a well known group of here called 'The Red Hat Society' - groups of middleaged ladies who get together for meetings and friendships, and wear red hats: Here's a link: www.theredhatsociety.com - How It All Started

"The Red Hat Society began as a result of a few women deciding to greet middle age with verve, humor and elan. We believe silliness is the comedy relief of life, and since we are all in it together, we might as well join red-gloved hands and go for the gusto together. Underneath the frivolity, we share a bond of affection, forged by common life experiences and a genuine enthusiasm for wherever life takes us next."

- Sue Ellen Cooper, Queen Mother

[Crocus]

Hi Kate, I receive these lovely emails from a dear friend on a farm near our village. We email one another very often, see one another very often. It's one of her emails that I posted. It's very inspirational I think.

[sheddie]

I really loved it crocus and I shall keep it.X

[eleanor2]

i think our beginings affect how we are.i know a very rich couple.the man always had money went to private school had a nanny etc.the wife comes from a working class family. the man is a bit pompous his wife is lovely to everybody and actually feels guilty being rich.she is also very pretty,yet feels insecure sometimes when she's with intelligent middle class people.even tho she is a lot richer and prettier than them.the fact that they went to university and she didn't makes her feel inferior.personally i think with age i have lost a lot of my own insecurities.you realise it isn't what you'v got matters but how you feel about yourself.

[sheddie]

As everyone I'm sure I have confidence in some things and none in others.

[Crocus]

Someone once said that you are what you allow others to think about you. And what other think about you, make you what you are - confusing, but something to think about. It can either inspire, motivate and help you, or it can break you. I don't know whether it makes sense, but it sure made me think.:)

[sheddie]

Crocus I've been sitting looking at your reply for about 5mins and I still can't quite take it in, but I promise I am looking and learning.:confused:

[Oola]

I think appearance does matter in that it is a reflection of who you are, what your tastes are, the way you live and what you like. I think when your appearance becomes just a statement of wealth, obsessive and a sort of 'oneupmanship' - that's when you start having problems.

[Crocus]

Quite confusing for me too, I must admit, but in a sense it does make sense. I too listen and learn dear Sheds.:confused:

[sheddie]

I shall get to the bottom of it crocus, paticularly after I've had a Brrrrr

[Crocus]

Just the right medicine I think! ha ha ha!

About my posting Sheds, I think it's more a psycological (spelling?) think than anything else. If one's this shy person with no self confidence, other's will see you as just that, which again will make you more shy. If you are a person with all the confidence in the world, you will be looked upon as such, which again will give you more self confidence. Goodness, how confusing! :eek:But that's how I kind of understand it. Perhaps it's time for me too go to sleep.......?;)

[sheddie]

I am a confident person of worth and I am definately not shy, I can do anything!!!!

[Crocus]

Exactly and I fully agree dear Sheds!! xxxx:)

[JerseyLily]

Perhaps I'll just say I'm comfortably well-off ;) And, I'm a great advocate for a "little of what you fancy does you good" whether that's applied to dressing it up or the play it down garb (gumboots). Either way one can look good with little effort and a few in-vogue accessories, which needn't cost a fortune. I adore hats and modest jewellery for day-time wear, but when it's a case of special nights out (ha ha) it's the chandelier look.

I think days of feeling on top of the world or having descended to hell are part and parcel of the mad world we exist in, and living in our topsy turvy 21st century lives we all encounter days of feeling the goddess persona embracing (socially gregarious) while at other times it is a day to retreat into intimate solitude (time alone).

What does that say about me?

[Crocus]

To me JerseyLily, you sound like a lovely normal person, with ups and downs like most of us, with a creativity thrown in. :)

[gothfairy]

Keepers daugher... find it amazing that you would get comments of an outright rude nature from people because you are married to an American, but then, I lived on a USAF base for six months so 'mixed marriages' of that sort were the norm really. I too carry extra weight, am about half a stone above the 'ideal' weight according to so-called experts, but a stone too much for my liking. However, taking comfort now from the American report/study which says that to be a few pounds overweight is actually not a bad thing, that it helps protect against some things, helps recovery from surgery and illness too. Because I take steroids and have done for over twenty years, I have the moonface, as it is called of a steroid taker. I remember someone staring at me, quite blatantly, in the early days, and it really upset me. Now it doesn't, mainly because I don't notice other people, or don't care, one or t'other!
As for the RED HAT SOCIETY... I wrote an article about the Society, many many years ago, when there was only one group in the whole of the UK. Submitted it to a couple of suitable magazines, but the editors thought either it was 'a fad which won't take off here' or simply not worth writing about for other reasons. Now there are many groups, it would no longer be a novelty to write about it, which was the peg I used to write the article originally.