Can you take a compliment?

[gothfairy]

We British are not terribly good, on the whole, at taking compliments. Usually we shrug our shoulders, smile in a Princess Di sort of way, bashful... say 'Twas nothing, really' or 'What? This old thing....' instead of revelling in the compliment, accepting it, especially if it comes from someone we trust, who wouldn't just say something nice for the sake of it. Can you take a compliment? If someone says you are looking really nice, do you blush, get embarrassed, or smile and say 'Thank you, that's really kind of you to say so.' Do compliments make you feel uneasy... do you wonder if there is an ulterior motive?

[Ma Larkin]

Ive never been any good at taking compliments, i will always put myself down when someone say's something nice about me. it may have something to do with being bullied as a child, you lose all self worth when that happen's, but now im getting better and will try hard to say thank you, as i think not too can be a bit rude and its not that im not thankful for the comment its just a confidence thing!

Ma larkin

[keepersdaughter]

Funny you should say that because I was recently relating a situation I encountered at a Starbucks recently to a friend. I was standing in line waiting to be served when I caught the eye of a man staring at me. You know how you feel, 'why is that person staring?, have I something on my face? should I know them?' Well in a very loud voice this big African American fella says, "Um, Ummmm, damn lady, I just caught sight of your profile standing there and thought how lovely you looked". Well, I don't know if I was more shocked or embarrassed! I can't remember the last time anyone has said anything nice or anything like that to me. The others in line started to shuffle uncomfortably and the youngsters behind the counter openly laughed and snickered. I'm sure I went red and I know it wasn't just 'cos I was flashing. (hot ones I mean). I felt like a 15 year old and just made an umcomfortable little laugh and said 'oh, thanks' I think. I told my husband, but I wont tell you what he said!

[Oola]

I usually make up some excuse why they're wrong or something...dad said that my hat was nice the other day and instead of saying thank you I just said 'Oh it's really old'. I find it really hard, I worry that by saying thank you I end up looking a big head, or thank you is tantamount to 'yes I know' - but then I think modesty is a very British trait.

[Crocus]

I think it depends on the situation and who the compliment comes from.

Hi Ma Larkin, I'm so sorry to hear about what happened in your childhood! :)

[dinger]

I agree with you all on this one I feel totally stupid if anyone compliments me in any way and never know how to answer .I find it most embarrasing. Keepersdaughter that was great the experience you had if it made you feel 15 again it was well worth going red for and the embarassment .Good for you girl .

[keepersdaughter]

I agree about it being a very British trait. Getting too big for your boots'', 'above your station', 'who do you think you are'? Were common comments that were used in society as a whole when I was going up. You were made to feel that you fitted into a certain section of society and that's where you belonged. You were actually looked down upon if people sought a different or better way of life. I too was painfully shy growing up, my mother was a very strong personality (still is) who walked out five times (took me with her twice) when I was growing up. And I think it's hard if you're not encouraged and made to feel you count or wanted as a child. Childhood scars go very deep, sometimes too deep to heal. I married an extremely outgoing American, maybe to partly make up for my lack of self confidence. But over the years being around so many confident, self assured people has rubbed off a little, on the surface maybe. I think I have become a little cynical, however, too say for example someone says 'that was a nice meal' I wonder if they're saying it just because they think it's expected. OK, I probably am messed up.

[eleanor2]

your not messed up keepers,we are all individuals with our own personalities and traits.i get embarrassed if its in front of people.at gems (over 50 exercise class)my dad will say here she is she is such a lovely daughter etc in front of every-one. whenever i say i have grandchildren no-one believes me. one old lady at gems was shocked i was a granny.about 5 mins later she spoke up.i'v still got my mouth open in shock you'r a granny.i just say i'v got three grandsons i am 47.i even start to wonder if people think i had my daughter at 16 or something.can't compliments be turned around on.

[sheddie]

I am getting better than I used to be. Although if anyone comments about my clothes I always try to justify it by saying " Oh I got this at the charity shop". I am lucky enough to have good skin and do get comments about that or my big eyes or I look younger than my years.I am trying to re educate myself and just say thankyou, but think it is all a matter of self worth at the end of the day.

[franbee]

I used to be really bad at this too, but more recently I've managed to get it sorted. I just say 'thank you' with a little smile, but don't say anything more about it. It takes a bit of practice, but I feel a lot better about accepting compliments now. And who cares if they are genuine or not, the response is the same.

A similar British problem to speak about is bereavement. I used to avoid bereaved people because I didn't know what to say. Now I take the earliest opportunity to just say 'I'm sorry to hear about .....' It breaks the ice. And when my Mum died and people said that to me I just said 'thank you'. Fran.

[dinger]

I am even afraid sometimes to pay anyone a compliment just in case they think I am patronising them .

[SheepyJames]

I make a point of telling people they look nice - sometimes even complete strangers! For my part, I'm grateful for any compliments I get and am getting much better at being gracious about receiving them.

[sunflower]

Actually, it's really funny at work. I'm a nurse in the eye unit and one of my jobs is to prepare people for surgery. The older men will often state surprise when they know that two of my sons are in their thirties and I have two grandchildren. They will often say'Oh you do'nt look old enough, I thought YOU were only in your thirties'! My reply is always
'wait until after you've had your Op, then you will be able to see me better'!!!

[Crocus]

I'm kind of impulsive and spontaneous with giving a compliment! If someone looks nice or say someting nice I will mention it before thinking! What all of you said about receiving a compliment, I also react in ways being mentioned here. Embarrassed, or "goodness, I've had this dress for so long". Why is that one loves to give a compliment but cannot receive it in the same way? How "strange" humans are eh! :)

[Healing Hands]

I agree with Crocus it depends on the compliment. Yes, franbee some british people do avoid people that have been bereaved, it happened to me someone I knew she saw me coming up the street but suddenly crossed over, she did say a few months after that she did not know what to say to me and I must admit I was like that too before hubby died but now if I know someone that has passed away like my neighbours wife over the road from me I saw him out walking and I made a point of going up and talking to him.

[gothfairy]

Speaking for myself, a compliment is a rare and precious thing, and I always accept it with a smile and 'thank you'. One of my friends is always saying how she admires my short stories, and that I see as an encouragement to carry on when I have those days, when a rejection slip comes through the post, when I think I won't bother with it any more. Even though that would be as hard as giving up chocolate! I had my flu jab yesterday, and the nurse who did it, a beautiful young woman, had just changed her hairstyle from the last time I saw her... it looked so lovely I had to tell her, and she smiled and said 'Oh, thank you'.. no problem at all. I must admit I was a bit envious of her thick hair, mine has begun to thin at an alarming rate!

[jazzactivist]

I have observed that being bashful about compliments is quite a British thing. I am not too great at accepting them either, but have got better and now just smile and respond with a compliment too such as "thank-you very much, you've made my day!" or "thanks, what a kind person you are". I think that there are not enough compliments going around, so I always make a point of giving sincere compliments. When I meet someone for the first time that day I always say hello and give them a compliment, and if I am talking with someone I like to find something good about them and tell them. To me, giving compliments makes both the receiver and giver feel good that day, even if the receiver might only like it later! I find that if the compliment is genuinely given in a friendly, undemanding way then people tend to like it. I wouldn't just walk up to a stranger 'cold' to give them a compliment, but if I am interacting with someone (even serving me in a shop) or I know them, then I do.

[eleanor2]

i like to compliment the bus driver if he is on time etc i smile and be friendly. so many people get on and be grumpy if the bus is late and its not the poor bus drivers fault.

[jazzactivist]

That's a point, eleanor, when I used to travel on the bus I always used to thank the driver when I got off for getting me to my destination safely. It always made them smile. I have tried it with taxi drivers, on the rare occasions when I use them, but they usually just grunt in response!

[sunflower]

Hi gothfairy, that's interesting about your writing. What sort of stories do you write?

[gothfairy]

Hi gothfairy, that's interesting about your writing. What sort of stories do you write?


Hi Sunflower....mainly humorous and ghost, the latest one is in the current issue of 'Country Tales', a small privately published magazine which you may have heard of? It's only available on subscription. But I have had a sixty word in Women's Weekly as well, and won first place in a national competition, though both of these were a couple of years ago now. Thanks for asking though:)

[Crocus]

Hi Gothfairy, congratulations with the first prize that you won! I love to buy the Women's
Weekly - of course it is about 4-8 weeks "late" but it doesn't matter. I especially love the back page "Rosemary's Diary" - I read it first thing!

[eleanor2]

i did a competition once then never posted it.some of us dont deserve to succeed in certain things.others of you good on you for your efforts.

[JerseyLily]

A compliment received deserves one in return, particularly if despatched by the female of the species. As for compliments from the male fraternity, well, a coy smile ususally does the trick of ensuring there will be more to follow.

[JerseyLily]

Congratulations Gothfairy. Better watch our grammar from now on! ;)

[Crocus]

Goodness, yes!