A Bitter Pill

[dinger]

This is the headline in our local paper . It tells us three schools in our area have decided to give out the morning after pill to children as young as 11yrs old without parental permission .What are your views on this ? I feel our rights as parents are being taken over more and more . I am concerned for the future generation it is becoming a world of anything goes . Only if something goes drasticly wrong are parents allowed to be classed as important when the finger can be pointed at them to say this is all your fault. do you agree or am I just old fashioned .

[Crocus]

Hi Dinger, I see this from another angle, but perhaps the local schools in your area are taking these drastic steps because the parents won't?

To illustrate why I say so, the other night I watched a programme where a couple had to do something drastically to their son of 7 who was far to overweight. They eventually enrolled in a 3-week course where exercise was prescribed for this little boy, as well as his whole diet had to be changed. They had some video footage of what his mum gave him to eat, and how he reacts towards her and the food when it's not what HE wants. Goodness, he screamed, talked back, interrupted his parents, threw things on the floor, slammed the door etc. All because he as a 7-year old had full control. The parents didn't once tell him not to talk to them like he did, not to slam the doors,etc. When they spoke to the dietician, and they watched some of the footage together, the father said : "That's how he is".

I ask the question why are kids reacting this way? Why do kids have "control"? Because parents are to scared nowadays to stand up for being parents, for being the adults in the household, for being the responsible element in the household, or simply taking on parentship for kids who did not come into this world on their own! I sometimes get the idea that parents think a child knows everything and anything from day 1!

Exactly the same with what you mentioned above. As long as parents don't take responsibility for explaining to children the ins and outs of life regarding each and every subject, kids will do what they want, also regarding taking the morning after pill.

When I was that age, I didn't even think or bothered or was very aware of these kind of things. I was still playing with my dolls, riding my bike, played my best friend! Parents give their kids to much control and why? Because then they don't have to take responsibility for "because this is how he/she is". He and she can only "be like that" because parents allow them to. I'm not talking about inherited character here, I'm talking about how far parents allow their kids to go, just to hide behind the excuse of "that's how he is".

Sorry for this rant, but this is omething we see more and more nowadays - children being parents with very obedient and good parents as children!

[keepersdaughter]

I think it atrocious Dinger. The pill itself is not without risks. I think by handing out a pill so easily it will somehow make having sex at 11 seem acceptable. I agree Crocus that many parents nowadays either do not want or do not know how to parent. Maybe that's where the schools should focus their attention.

[Ivy]

There is a very simple answer to your question Crocus: Kids take over control because their parents don't. Someone has to steer the ship and the burden is far too heavy for a child. If they get away with everything they become eccentric and selfish and instead of a decent fight the parents give in because it's easier. Schools are often the only place where these children hear a "no" and are confronted with the consequences of their doing.
I believe in firm guidance without being too dogmatic ( and without physical or emotional punishment) and never had any problems with my kids regarding rules. Maybe I was lucky but it wasn't always easy to stick to the rules when everybody else s children were allowed to do as they pleased. Now my son told me he always envied those other boys at the time but he is grateful that we actually bothered to care for him.

[Crocus]

Hi KD, yes I also think that parents should get educated first! The problem I also think may be that many parents are teenagers, haven't sorted themself out as yet, are still trying to establish whether they are teenagers, or adolescents on their way to adulthood. They can't think older than their age, but want to be older than their age.

[Crocus]

Hi Ivy, yes that's true and I mentioned it in my posting as well. Parents just don't want to have the responsibility. But then why have kids? I suppose they were'nt responsible there as well! That's why I said children and teenagers can't think older than their age, but they want to be older than their age, and why parents should be educated as well. Because if they are educated, they will be able to pass it on to their kids, hopefully.

[jazzactivist]

Hi dinger. I don't agree with schools giving out the morning after pill at all, and especially not to young people under the age of 16 who are too young (in the UK) to legally have sex. On the other hand, I don't think that a young person's sex life is any of their parents' business, so long as they are over 16, and unless they ask for their guidance and assistance. Young people do have underage sex, but there are already plenty of materials, guidance and free contraception around for them to know what is best. Unfortunately, young people make their own rules within their peer group and these are seen as more important than any 'good sense' that adults might speak. At my 14 yr old niece's school, for example, there are free condom machines in the toilets, but she says that young people don't use them as teachers come round and check the toilets and it would be too embarrassing to be caught using the condom machine! Also if a girl is seen taking condoms word soon gets round and she is called a slut and subjected to lots of unwanted attention from boys! I would be very worried about school nurses giving out the morning after pill on demand, as they don't always have the knowledge and skills to offer clear sex education. It would be better if this role fell to youth workers who could be specially trained for the task, and if young people had to go to a youth club to get this then they could be encouraged into more appropriate ways to spend their time.

[dinger]

I wonder what happens if these children are on other medication would they be willing to tell about it and would it do damage in any way to mix with whatever their treatments were . By the way as I understand from my grandchildren schools won't administer other medicines such as anibiotics within the school now so why is it ok for them to hand this out willy nilly?

[Crocus]

Mentioning underage sex Jazz, I always wonder what the psychological impact is on children having underage sex, playing about with adult stuff so to speak. Surely it must have some kind of impact and to my mind a child of 11 and teenagers are not emotionally ready for it. Physically they may be matured and ready for it, but it forces them into something they perhaps arn't totally ready to handle emotionally. xxx

[Ivy]

Dinger it's true schools do have problems administering insulin for diabetics but the morning after pill should be given out by the school nurse to an age group that isn't legally allowed to have sex? And why can't they go to their GP, Gyneco or a midwife? If they are old enough to have sex they can talk to their doctor about it.

[jazzactivist]

I agree with you, Ivy, and you, crocus. I think that if someone thinks themselves to be old enough to have a sexual relationship then they should be mature enough to go to a doctor or family planning clinic for contraception. Children who are under the legal age of consent are still children and, to me, there is an underlying problem if they are engaging in adult sexual activity so young, especially at age 11 / 12 / 13, as no-one is mature enough or has enough social power at that age to make long lasting decisions. I know from my niece that for all that women fought so hard for the right of women to determine their own lives, there is a lot of pressure on girls today from boys and various media to have sex from an early age. While I don't think that it is sensible to wait until you are married to have sex, just in case your nice partner turns out to be a careless or cruel one in bed, it makes sense to wait until you are in a steady relationship with someone that you know well and trust and are both mature enough to make thoughtful decisions about contraception. It worries me that if the morning after pill is made so readily available that girls will be even more under pressure from their peers to have sex, and more easily exploited by adult predators too.

[dragonfly]

I think it is absolutely disgusting to give out this pill to children under 16 but I also think it is appalling that children have babies. I can't make up my mind which is worse. Probably children having babies who arn't mature enough to rear them is worse for then the babies grow up and do the same thing and so on infinitum.

[Crocus]

To give out the pill to these young girls to me is a question of "throwing money at the problem", treating a symptom. Handing out pills will not solve a problem, it will rather have the opposite effect. Because next time little girls of say 9 will have to be given pills. The root of this will have to be found and tackled.

[dinger]

At the age of 11yrs old to me they are just little girls . How wrong to even suggest this at all .If this had been taking place when my girls were that age I would have been horrified .

[Crocus]

I agree with you Dinger. Goodness 11 year olds are in primary school, should not be thinking: "I must remember to take my morning after pill". You know, when I was 11, I barely knew anything about sex! I remember my dad's sister (spinster) was coming to visit us and I asked my mum if she will bring her kids too. To which my mum answered, no, she doesn't have children. So I asked her why not and mum said: "Because she's not married, and don't have a husband". So all I could make out is in some way a man has something to do with having babies, but couldn't work out on earth how. The only thing which made sense to me then was, I'm not going to kiss my dad in the mornings and afternoons!

Of course I got in trouble for refusing to say goodbye or hello to dad, because this went on for more than a week! When my mum asked me why, I said I'm to scared to kiss dad because of what you said!:eek: Oh dear.:D She could just shake her hear, and said I needend worry, it's okay to kiss my dad. I said okay, turned around and ran off to play the piano! I wasn't even bothered at that stage to ask any further questions, because what my mom said was enough for me. xx

[jazzactivist]

I also didn't know anything about sex at 11, and I am glad that I didn't and managed to have a fairly innocent late childhood just being 'in love' with Donny Osmond and David Cassidy, and not knowing why! A few years later I did experiment with underage sex and ended up having quite a few unhappy and pointless relationships based on sex which just made me feel even less confident about my body and my abilities. Looking back, I would advise any girl or young woman to wait until she is mature enough and sure enough that she and her partner want to make their relationship long term. Pregnancy should wait until the couple, or woman alone, are in the best financial position and have done most of the other things that they wanted to do with their lives.

[dinger]

I believe having sex to early can lead to enormous problems later in life . I don't think the bodies of children are ready or built for this experience .I call this encouraging under age sex and lots of single mums too young to take on this responsibility when they are nothing more than babes themselves.

[keepersdaughter]

What is so disheartening is that children - and that's what they are - are obviously feeling pressured to participate in sexual activity. To fit in presumably with what they see all around them. Music, videos, TV, magazines and peer pressure. Everything is telling them they need to be 'hot' or whatever the term is this week. Children and young adults are being taught to judge their worth on sex; these girls do not realise they are just treating themselves as objects. How will they grow up to feel any value or worth as a girl, woman or human being.

[sunflower]

What is so crazy is that, schools are not allowed to give out cough medicine and paracetamol that have been brought in by the children's parents so that children will not miss out on lessons. This also includes INHALERS!!!!!!! My son who had very bad Asthma, had to hide his inhaler in his trouser pocket so that if he got into difficulty he could use it immediately. My concern with this pill is that we do not know enough of the long term effects. Also, supposing a girl has an allergic reaction to the pill? I think it is very sad that 'children' are getting sexually involved at this early stage in their lives. They need their emotions and minds focused on their education and after school activities. A child's life is too short as it is......to have fun, to be free of adult burdens without having to worry that they might become pregnant. Also, research has proved that sex at an early age can put a girl at risk of cervical cancer.

[dinger]

I am trying to remember myself at 11yrs old and my time at that age was out playing childrens games and probably knowing absolutely nothing about sex . It just was'nt talked about in those days but now it is on t v in books and everywhere else it can be rammed down kids throats. What a sad world we live in now .x

[Ivy]

I know we had the topic sex education earlier here and I think a very early sex education interests children more in sexuality from an earlier age.So it is not surprising that they need to hand out these pills to girls so young. Many of you said they were still innocent about sexuality at the age of 11 so why should children get sex education at the age of 5 if you remember not knowing anything about it 6 years later? You learned and I think you did not suffer from learning about it at a later time in your lives. Sorry didn't mean to mix up two threads but I think they belong together. How hypocritical has this world become you get detention for using the f *** word but the morning after pill..... sorry but I don't quite understand!

[dragonfly]

I think it will encourage children to have sex for the main deterant to us was that you could get pregnant. Take this threat away and there is nothing stopping them. Can an 11 year old understand when they are told that they shouldn't have sex but if they do they can have a pill to make it go away. Then will they suffer when they grow up and realise that they have done. I certainly think their immature body will.

[dinger]

There is also the risk of sexualy transmitted deseases being caught . how awful would that be in children so young who don't have the knowledge about these things. It does'nt bear thinking about.

[Crocus]

Hi Ivy, I didn't have any sex education at age 6 whatsoever. Not my mum or at school by teachers was I told anything about sex. It was only in my teens I was told about the birds and the bees, also not a lot as well. But I didn't run to go and test what my mum told me. I knew, and respected that it was something belonging to adults, being in a married relationship. xx