Gendered friends and colleagues

[jazzactivist]

Hi all. At a family lunch on Boxing Day it turned out that one of our sisters-in-law works in the same office as an old school friend of my OH. We were pleased to make the connection, and said that she had actually been in email contact with OH for quite a while and she and her OH and child had come up to visit us last summer. OH's family were really surprised and asked if I didn't mind him being friendly with women. I don't, and my OH has quite a lot of women friends, married and single, whom he goes out with and also stays with from time to time. I have also always had male friends. We have both always done work that involves going out alone and staying away at conferences etc with colleagues of both genders. My OH and I think that it is really important to have some friends who are just your own, as well as mutual friends, and we never even think about what gender they are. It turns out that OH's brothers and sisters-in-law check one another's mobile phones and bills, and would never go out for a meal or drink alone with someone of the opposite sex. This seems a bit immature to us, and not a very strong relationship, plus what about the potential for same gender relationships... But what do you think? Would you feel odd about your OH going out with a woman or man friend, staying at their house or going on holiday with them? Do you do it, or not?

[Crocus]

Hi Jazz, I definitely don't check Mr C's mobile and bills, as he doesn't check mine. Not necessary. Our situation is different as neither of us need to stay with friends.
It will feel very odd for me to stay with a man friend, and I'm sure it OH will feel the same staying with a woman friend. He's got contact with women in our village when their computers needs upgrading, looked at, or whatever, but they usually bring and collect. I think it probably depends on every couple's situation. xx

[sheddie]

I have Disaster!! I'll say no more X

[dragonfly]

I am quite happy for my OH to have women friends and he occasionally takes women visitors at work out for a meal also he spends a few days at conferences with female and male collegues but I would not be happy at him going on holiday with them. I am quite secure in my relationship and don't think he would stray. I agree that it is healthy to have your own friends whatever gender but I don't have a jealous nature. I feel sorry for people who do have a jealous nature for they must be very insecure.`I would not check his phone (unless I suspected something) and would go mad at him checking mine even though there is nothing I don't mind him seeing. It is all about trust.

[franbee]

OH and I go out separately with mixed groups of people, and have individual friends of the opposite sex, but don't generally go out with them alone, apart from giving lifts etc. Whilst I would trust him if he did go out alone with a woman, I wouldn't be very pleased because he doesn't take me out much, apart from holidays. In fact, I would feel more betrayed if he was wining and dining another woman than if he was having sex with her!

We never check each other's messages or open post, and our finances are shared openly. He keeps a regular check on our finances on line, and if I'm out shopping he'll be watching the credit card payments coming up on screen and I'll get teased about my spending!

[Rustic Pumpkin]

When I was married there was never an issue over this. I had men friends, he had women friends. Friends are friends. I can understand though were this could be problematic for some people.

I would get more upset if my friends went out without me!