Caring for the elderly and those not able to look after themselves

[keepersdaughter]

Earlier today I went along to an Enrichment Center - a not for profit facility for elderly or people with mental handicap that offers a few hours respite for the client and their caregivers. I was overwhelmed at the genuine care and affection the staff and volunteers showed the clients. The clients (not patients) arrive early in the morning and receive, breakfast, lunch and dinner, do arts and crafts, watch a game show, do a few simple exercises, play some simple games, etc. (some of them can barely lift a crayon and colour a childs colouring book). But what counts most I think is the connection with others. I came across this poem a while ago and I remembered it today. I don't know who wrote it, but maybe if it was posted in the hospitals and care facilities for the elderly it would make a difference to how many elderly people are treated.

What do you see, nurses, what do you see?
What are you thinking when you're looking at me?
A crabby old woman, not very wise,
Uncertain of habit, with faraway eyes?
Who dribbles her food and makes no reply
When you say in a loud voice, "I do wish you'd try!"
Who seems not to notice the things that you do, and
Forever is losing a stocking or shoe.....
Who, resisting or not, lets you do as you will,
With bathing and feeding, the long day to fill....
Is that what you're thinking?
Is that what you see?
Then open your eyes, nurse; you're not looking at me.
I'll tell you who I am as I sit here so still,
As I do at your bidding, as I eat at your will.
I'm a small child of ten ....with a father and mother,
Brothers and sisters, who love one another.
A young girl of sixteen, with wings on her feet,
Dreaming that soon now a lover she'll meet.
A bride soon at twenty -- my heart gives a leap,
Remembering the vows that I promised to keep.
At twenty-five now, I have young of my own,
Who need me to guide and a secure happy home.
A woman of thirty, my young now grown fast,
Bound to each other with ties that should last.
At forty, my young sons have grown and are gone,
But my man's beside me to see I don't mourn.
At fifty once more, babies play round my knee,
Again we know children, my loved one and me.
Dark days are upon me, my husband is dead;
I look at the future, I shudder with dread.
For my young are all rearing young of their own,
And I think of the years and the love that I've known.
I'm now an old woman ...and nature is cruel;
'Tis jest to make old age look like a fool.
The body, it crumbles, grace and vigour depart,
There is now a stone where I once had a heart.
But inside this old carcass a young girl still dwells,
And now and again, my battered heart swells.
I remember the joys, I remember the pain,
And I'm loving and living life over again.
I think of the years ....all too few, gone too fast,
And accept the stark fact that nothing can last.
So open your eyes, people, open and see,
Not a crabby old woman; look closer ...see ME!!

[Ivy]

Oh this is so beautiful. It brought the image of my granny before my eyes who would have been 105 yesterday. Do you know who this poem is by? I wonder if there is a German translation as I have someone I would like to give it to , who does not speak English.

[Katelb]

KD that is a beautiful poem with words that are true in every way.Your idea of having it posted up in every care home/hospital I think is spot on;99% of carers/nurses today are wonderful people,but for the other 1%,well they should be made to read these lovely words.
Thank you for putting it on for us.

[Crocus]

Oh wow KD! I have no words ...... xxxxx

[Pippa]

I like the sound of your enrichment centre and staffed by volunteers must be much better for the clients, medical staff always have an agenda I feel, volunteers want to be there and it works both ways, giving volunteers and clients a few hours respite from pain, boredom or lonliness. I admire you for giving it a go, hope you continue to enjoy it.

[Clunkshift]

Thank you for posting that beautiful poem KD, It is good to be reminded that we meet people of every type, but each one is a person with hopes, dreams, memories and reflections.

I am always clumsy and gauche in my dealing with people with disabilities, even though I spent many years in St John Ambulance and was regulary "assisting" PHAB and other similar organisations. For some time I was on call with the Ambulance Service and while it is always easy to feel sympathy for the young, how hard it is to see the real person through the smell of alcohol, cigarettes, street dirt and ragged clothes.

In the family situation it is hard to keep the real person in view, when the outer body doesn't recognise you or needs so much personal care which sometimes seems to strip away dignity.

So thank you for just reminding me of the person within, the real person.

I hope you have much happiness and satisfaction at the Enrichment Centre.

Clunk x.

[Ivy]

While I was researching for the author I found this about the poem:

This poem was found among the possessions of an elderly lady who died in the geriatric ward of a hospital. No information is available concerning her -- who she was or when she died. Reprinted from the "Assessment and Alternatives Help Guide" prepared by the Colorado Foundation for Medical Care.


It makes it even more genuine to know it was from a real patient rather than from a person who imagines what is going on inside an elderly person.

[keepersdaughter]

Thank you Ivy. As you say, all the more poignant as it was written by someone who looked out and saw and experienced this. How sad. I tell you, it made me stop and really look at some of the people I met yesterday. One man was only 56 years old, a former Sherriff who suffered a brain anyerism (sp?), most of the other people were elderly and I'm not sure what their stories were, but it was quite humbling to see how hard they were working at painting Cristmas cards, and just pressing stamps in the paint to decorate the cards.

[eleanor2]

that bought tears to my eyes........my mum in law is going senile.she has been like a mothr to me and so whatever she does or says.i try to be loving and patient .cus like that poem i have seen her be so loving and caring all these years.the problem is for old peole who have to leave family or dont have any.people dont see what they were but what they have become.there are lots of lovely caring staff and volunteers out there.

[cindy]

I think that beautiful poem should be posted at all the nursing stations in the geriatric wards to remind all the staff and visitors who they are looking after. My dear father-in-law suffered from malnutrition and finally died in his local hospital

[Shelli]

HI KD - that poem is a lovely one - it was written I think by a lady called Kate and was found in amongst her things in an old peoples home(?) after she had passed away

Originally it was called a Crabbit old woman - but probably changed to crabby as crabbit is a dialect word - think it's Yorkshire

any road up - its a nice poem and I agree it makes you think - when I see my Nanna who is 94 i often think of this poem - we took a load of family photos into my nanna's care home to show the staff "who " Nan was and how much she means to us all - they have been amazing and love her like their own

Shelli XX

[keepersdaughter]

Yes, Shelli, society I feel focuses on children and little ones, those not able to fend or speak out for themselves, but we forget the other end of the life cycle, those old, and frail and again, not able to fend or speak out for themselves. I must admit to not thinking about this enough before. Maybe as we get older we appreciate this more.


You are lucky to have found somewhere good to take care of your Nanna. I have read of a case where an elderly hospital patient died of malnutrition in hospital - seems beyond belief. (Maybe I read about it here a while ago, can't recall).

Cindy, I do hope your relative didn't pass away through lack of care in hospital.

[Shelli]

my mum is (still) a nurse and worked on a elderly medical ward for a number of years . she said that 2 things are really big worries in the elderly - malnutrition and constipation. - it's really common for the elderly to get seen off by both of these conditions

[souter girl]

I too love that poem KD and it is so true. I am not particularly religious, but I sometimes think of the biblical quote that "God made man in his own image" and I look around me at all the old, lined, infirm lumpy or mis-shapen people that we are (present company excepted of course!) not the perfectly toned size zeroes shown in the media, but seriously, what we are is NOT what you see - AND I am still waiting to feel "grown up" inside - is anyone else?

[keepersdaughter]

Absolutely Souter. I often wonder what 'grown up' is. We change, evolve and grow, inside and out , but essentially we are the same inside. I had an appt. today and the nurse and I got chatting. I happened to mention I was post menopausal and she looked at me and said I was rather young for that. I told her I was 54 and she didn't believe me, she looked at my medical records to confirm it (like i would actually increase my age !!). Anyway, gave my ego a bit of a boost. I think of myself still in my mid-30s, though it would be pushing it for the mirror to reflect that, but I think essentially we are just who we are. I wonder when birth records started being kept and we identified ourselves so much with the calendar?

[TIGGYWINKLE]

There was a TV documentary many years ago featuring the nursing home Kate was in. It showed her. She died before the TV program went out on the air, and this poem was found in her locker after she died. It was scrolled up at the end of the program. I was so moved, as my mum was suffering from senile dementia at the time. I contacted ITV (I think it was) and got a copy of the poem. It inspired me, and helped me have so much more understanding, empathy and patience with my mum, who died 5 years later. A saying to a young person also comes to mind,(can't remember who said it) "Remember I know what it is like to be young, but you have no idea what it is like to be old"

[souter girl]

Gosh - a sobering thought, it'll come to us all won't it?

[Shelli]

I am still waiting to feel "grown up" inside - is anyone else?

Yup me too -although on the flip side I can't understand why, when I was a teenager, I was in such a hurry to grow up - it's not all it's cracked up to be!!;)

Shelli X

[bonnie]

Tanks kd for the lovely poem, made me think of martins mum who passed away 2 years ago age92.

[Crocus]

"Remember I know what it is like to be young, but you have no idea what it is like to be old"

Hi Tiggywinkle, I say this to my boys so many times when they argue about how a see or feel about things.