Sex Education

[dinger]

I have just heard on t v it is to be compulsary for all children from the age of 5yrs to 16yrs to be given lessons on this as a part of school education. . A young friend of mine who's son is 5yrs old was to be shown a film all about this but the parents were invited to see it first . She said she was shocked after seeing it and gave an absolute no to her little boy watching.
I believe 5 yrs old is far too young to be shoving this kind of thing down their throats and too much for their little minds to accept .What are your views on this do you think it would be beneficial or not ?

[eleanor2]

i think it is totally wrong.i do think children are older nowadays younger.but first year high school is way soon enough.i also think parents should have a say in how much detail and and what the content of the sex education is.the way humanists are today they think they know it all for teaching what children should know and shouldnt know about social issues.yet all families and all children are individuals.who knows them better than thier parents.i think their should be full explanation to parents what their children are going to be taught on these issues.then as parents they should be allowed to take their children out of class if they see fit.

[Crocus]

I don't think I would've liked for my boys to have sex education at age 5 at school. I think it's something that parents should teach their children, when the time is right. Something only the parents can know, I think. Why push children into something and putting things in their minds they're not ready for?

I've just this morning saw a very young mum, she couldn't have been older than 14. Now I wonder, was it because she knew to much or to less? xx

[dinger]

I think it should be up to parents as to whether their children should be taught all this at such a tender age. I feel the way things are going our children are being taken out of our control and slowly but surely the government are deciding their futures .parents are losing all rights to their own children it is laws for this and laws for that. Why is'nt it being made compulsary to teach them about drugs and alcohol.I feel this would be more beneficial to them.xx

[Oola]

I was taught around 9 or 10 years old...starting with periods and ovulation etc. and the boys being in a different classroom being taught about 'boy' stuff. I think it was fine. You need to be taught about these things before they start happening.

I do think 5 years old is too young, after all, at that age although kids are curious it's not a sexual thing. When they start getting interested in each other, I think that's when it's time to step in. I don't see any harm in it being taught in schools, after all, knowledge is power and discussing it in a controlled environment, separating fact from myth etc. is healthy and can be empowering. Learning about the consequences os sexual relationships and the risks involved with unprotected sex is vital too.

But yes, 5 is way too young. Around 9 or 10 is the time to start introducing it because this is just before puberty sets the wheels in motion.

[dragonfly]

I think it is very wrong teaching it to 5 years olds, they should be left alone to be kids and not given something else to worry about. I think they should be told about relationships before being told the physical side of it and both at an age they would understand it. I would strongly object to mine being told so young but know that the others that saw the video would tell my child and probably get it wrong in the telling. I told my boys as soon as they started asking questions but I know all parents don't so think that teachers should but at the right time. I agree that 9 or 10 is a better age.

[jazzactivist]

I think that it is fine, but that youth workers with a sexual health remit should provide this education rather than teachers, as they are outside of the school and are more used to dealing with questions about sex and sexual health in a confidential way. However, should sex education take place in schools at all, as it is surely a parent's duty to ensure that their children are well informed and comfortable about relationships and sex?

I think that so much fuss is made in the UK about anything to do with sex and it is this attitude that leads directly to young people thinking that sex is thrilling and taboo, so go out of their way to rebel and do it as quickly as possible, leading to high levels of teenage pregnancy, STIs etc. It is ironic that a recent TV series on sex education had each segment prefaced with warnings "This programme contains strong language, scenes of frontal nudity, and scenes of a medical examination". Also, the announcement of this new education programme in primary schools has lots warnings reassuring parents that children won't be learning about sex, but relationships, that they can opt out etc. when surely the plan should be to ensure that all children gain the benefit. To me, the best thing to do for everyone is to relax about it and be more European in approach. Nudity, relationships and sex should be openly discussed in every home as a normal part of everyone's life, then it stops being something secret and children and young people will move towards finding out more themselves when they are ready, and have plenty of people to discuss it with.

[Oola]

But on the flip side of European attitudes towards sex, I think that they have to push to find the thrill; this can manifest itself in extreme sexual acts that can border on out and out danger or illegal. I think there isn't anything too unhealthy about sex being a little bit taboo; after all, it is in a way because it's private and sensual.

But I do think 5 years old is TOO young. They don't need to be thinking about it at that, it's almost irrelevant unless they ask questions. They're children and not, at that age, chemically programmed to be sexually active or even really interested like that in other people. But perhaps with so much sexual imagery everywhere - advertising, books, films, television, Internet - they're being exposed to it much younger and therefore education is starting to happen at a younger age. It's a sad state of affairs, I feel that children, although are curious, are being pushed into losing their innocence far too young.

[jazzactivist]

I can see your point, Oola, but I think that the main problem here is that there seems to be almost an unwritten rule of set ages for knowing certain things. If everyone's attitude was more relaxed towards sex then children would grow up knowing about it almost by osmosis from an early age and at a pace that suits them. Then there would be none of the stop-start process where they are suddenly 13 or 14 and start to become involved in relationships without quite knowing the possible developments and consequences. I haven't heard of young people in Europe experimenting with extreme sexual practices as part of normal life any more than they do in the UK, but I suppose that a wider spectrum is more openly available if they want to. To me, young people are more at risk here, as engaging in sexual activity is almost like entering a private world that no-one talks about, so how can they tell if certain practices are more risky than others.

Innocence is also relative, depending on child's environment and how much s/he can take in and process. I also think that children unconsciously monitor their own learning process, screening out any info that they are not ready for, as is often evident in the amusing misunderstandings that we all love to repeat. I hope that this generation of children can get well away from the 'stork / gooseberry bush' stories.

[Crocus]

I think children should be and stay children for as long as nature intended for them to be children. The day they start to ask questions is the day they are ready for the answer. The earlier one starts sex education with them, the earlier they have to deal with complex and intense stuff (for them). One can't force a child to be older than he is in his emotional development.

[dragonfly]

I don't agree jazz, I grew up in the stork / gooseberry bush age and think it was better than they have today. We enjoyed being inocent children with no worry's or hang ups. I think it would be great to go back to those days.

I don't understand where you get the notion that it is a private world where no-one talks about it as it is talked about all the time, it is in books and magazines and on tv nearly every day.

I have a ten year old grandaughter and I will shield her from it as much as I can. Most of her life will be as an adult so childhood should be cherished for once lost it can never be regained.

My son asked where babies come from at an early age and I told him from mummies tummy. That was all he wanted or need to know until a few years later. When he asked how they got there, I answer his questions, he was then ready to learn and understand the facts of life. Going into to much detail to soon must only confuse them.

[dinger]

I agree dragonfly They are only children once and we never had all this jargon forced on us . Strangely enough you did,nt hear about teenage pregnancies then either in fact it was classed as a disgrace for any unmarried girl to get herself in the family way. We know times are changing all the time but I still think there are two ways of looking at this it may deter some but on the other hand others may do it just for the hell of it as is often the case with a lot of things and teenagers in this day and age.

[sunflower]

I like the way I was taught at school. We started with the birds and bees.....literally, then gradually moved onto human reproduction. All this was in the Science lessons and was perfectly natural. I think it would be good for five year olds to start this way. For example, recently there has been a programme scanning creatures in the womb and eggs. It's so facinating and could naturally leads onto knowledge about humans for five year olds. I think it should be taught in science lessons though. Teaching sex education with relationships could be complex for children living in difficult situations. For example, we know the ideal is for a child to be conceived and born into a stable relationship. However, what about children living in one parent families? Or worse having siblings that have different fathers? A five year old might start to question and feel insecure about their home life....seeing it as abnormal. Yes, to us, it may be innappropriate, but the child has been born into that set up and needs to feel secure, that there are many types of family set ups and each one has it's value. I know this is contraversial, but I believe the child's sense of wellbeing should be at the centre.

[dinger]

I can agree with children learning about animal reproduction and think it can be taken in by them without causing distress but also agree with what you said about single parents . It is confusing to be taught this is what happens between mummy and daddy to show their love for each other when there may be several partners at different times sharing mummy or daddy's bed.Outcome mixed up kids I would think x

[jazzactivist]

I agree with you all that children deserve the best childhood, free of unecessary concerns and worries. It seems to me, though, that the sort of information that is 'out there' in magazines, some music, soap operas, some TV programmes etc. contains an unhealthy attitude towards sex. It seems totally divorced from loving relationships, whereas good sexual health, caring sex practices, and sex within relationships seems to be kept quiet in terms of general conversation in families and communities. So the unhealthy side gains the upper hand. Even though monogamy with the same lifelong partner is almost a thing of the past, surely it's still possible to place healthy sex within loving relationships, even if there is more than one partner in a lifetime?

I don't think that it preserved children's innocence to pretend that babies were delivered by a stork or found under a gooseberry bush, just because the parent couldn't handle the conversation. It wasn't long before better informed children told what was what, often with their own interpretation added in as misinformation! Misinformation tends to breed more misinformation, leading to silly beliefs like plastic bags can be used as condoms and if a girl drinks Coca Cola after having sex she won't get pregnant. These myths are still doing the rounds!

I can see why the government is introducing this, as they want to be sure that all children are given the same, correct information on a mass scale and grow up towards their teenage years knowing it. However, children do develop at an individual pace and, to me, it should be a parent's responsibility to steadily inform their children when they start to show an interest at a pace that suits the child. If a parent can't do this then you have to ask how they came to have children in the first place! Maybe the lessons should be for parents in how to inform their children? I think that there have always been teenage pregnancies in the UK, dinger, but it was just that the morality of the day meant that the young couple were expected to marry, no matter whether it was the best match. This wasn't ideal either.

[Crocus]

I think this topic has it's good and bad points both ways. This sex education in schools, how will be represented to 5 year olds? Will there be ways to establish whether child A is ready for such information, but child B isn't?
One must take into account that certain children mature earlier than others which means not all will be ready at the same time.

Like with everything in life, parents should be responsible for their children's sex education as well. Okay, I know there are parents who don't bother, so that has to be taken into account as well. I think this is much more complex than just the words "sex education for 5 years olds at school".

Children should have a happy childhood, but they should also be informed in a very subtle way regarding sex education. There's a lot of ugly things out there available to our kids, also in subtle ways, on the telly, in books, advertisements, name it. Perhaps this is where sex education should start, with those adults who don't care what they put on our tv screens, write in books, use in advertisements etc. etc. Perhaps it should start with parents who don't care what they talk and do in front of their kids. Maybe this is the real place where sex education should start. With adults and the youth who exploit sex for own benefit, for the benefit of money. Because if this can be done, 5 year old innoccent little children needend be given sex education which will probably change their little minds and hearts.

[Ivy]

When I was 5 years old a friends mother was expecting a baby. When her tummy rounded noticeably I was told she had a baby inside. I one day stunned my mum by telling her that during the night God father came tiptoeing to her bedroom when she was sleeping opened her tummy (the bellybutton being the handle) putting a baby inside to leave it to grow there until it was time to come out. Would you want a child with such a believe in mystery watch a film on the "hard facts" I wouldn't. I told my children when they asked which was at the age of 8 with my son and 6 with my daughter because she heard funny rumours in school.

[lesleyhannah]

Things are different now, from when I was a child. We didn't expect to start our periods until we were in secondary school (11+ - in fact most of us were in our teens before it happened) so in a way it was easier for us to remain 'innocent'. Friends tell me their daughter all started their periods whilst at primary school - round about the age of 9. Little girls do have to be prepared for these changes - and there are many physical and emotional changes during puberty. If periods are starting at 9 then I think the subject needs to be broached at least a year earlier.

Certainly my friend's daughter has a far more grown-up figure at 9 than I had at 13. This in itself brings issues that need to be dealt with. I don't know whether boys are maturing equally quickly, but certainly they need to know how to deal with their sexual feelings - both sexes need guidance about appropriate behaviour. The fact that this is happening at a younger age surely makes the need for commonsense advice even more urgent?

Although I have some sympathy with people on this thread who believe it is the parents' responsibility to give sex education, I think we have to accept that not all parents want to do this, and not all parents are capable of so doing. There's also the rather unpleasant truth that a small number of children are abused within their own families. I think sex education should be as much about saying No as about technical details. Maybe the atmosphere in the primary school, with a trusted teacher or nurse could provide a listening ear for abused children?

[Crocus]

I agree that the parents should be responsible for their children's sex education, but only when a child is physical and emotional matured enough for it. My sister started her periods when she was 9 (64 today) and it had a quite a influence on her not at all understanding what it was about. My mum didn't expect for her to start so early, so none of them were really completely ready for it. xx

[jazzactivist]

I agree with you, lesleyhannah, that children are physically maturing at a younger age and so need to be prepared for it, even if that is not in all the detail eventually required. I have worked with groups of adults who are not comfortable about talking with their children about relationships and sex, as they feel that they have made a mess of their own love lives so it would be hypocritical to offer the 'correct' advice when the child is well aware of their parent's situation. I think that the government is trying to mitigate against this by providing suitable sex education at school. I don't think that a child's innocence is compromised by knowing a few of the facts at an early age, but do think that children are individuals and it is the parents' responsibility to ensure that the more of the correct information is provided at a pace that suits the child. Maybe it would be best if parents and their children attend the info sessions together? There is already quite a comprehensive system in place within schools to act on suspicion or allegations of sexual abuse, and maybe seeing children together with their parents talking about relationships and sex would help to pick out the relationships that seem questionable too.

[Ivy]

The age of 9 is very early I never met anybody starting that early to be honest. The first girl from my daughters class started when she was 11 and my daughter, being average, started when she was 14. My gynaecologist told me it is influenced by what you eat. If you eat a lot of meat you are taking in the hormones that the animals were given to make them mature earlier. They do the same thing with the little girl they were supposed to do with the cow or pig.--Yet an other reason to buy organic meat and not too much of it . But if 9 becomes the new standard 7 years would still be early enough for sex education they will have forgotten everything by then unless it is a constant matter on the curriculum. But then doesn't it become boring? I mean there isn't THAT much you would like children at that age to know is there?

[Crocus]

Hi Ivy, I agree with your last sentence, because at age 5 they cannot be ready for this - I wonder if they will even understand what it's about? They probably will think we're lying or something. That said, it might depend on the maturity of each individual child. My boys definitely were not ready to for it at age 5. xx

[keepersdaughter]

I do think age 5 is too young for schools to take it upon themselves to decide children need sex education. It's common for children to ask about a woman's large tummy and they generally just accept the fact there's a baby in there without following through with a whole list of questions of how it got there etc. When a child does start to ask then I think it appropriate for a parent to explain and answer any questions in as simple and straightforward way and explain only as much as is necessary and appropriate. I felt like the worst mother in the world when I had to explain things to my children, like I was spoiling their innocence in some way. They were only around 6/7 and 7/8 but they were hearing things from the older children on the school bus who took great delight in spreading all sorts of information and lots of MISinformation.

We were living in southern Italy where the prostitutes stood by the road and plied their trade openly You can imagine the breading ground for all sorts of stories and 'information', I remember my son repeating something he'd heard on the bus and I just gulped and realised I needed to set some things straight in their minds. I told them very simply while driving them to school one day (they didn't see my expression or awkwardness that way), and asked them if they had any questions. They took it quite simply and it never became an issue after that.

The problem is there is so much stuff out there nowadays that children are exposed to that people of my generation never even heard of when we were children. Medicine 'Drug Companies' as they are called over here are very big business, and take up the majority of TV advertising. It irratates me that you can set your watch by it but when the evening news is on around 6.50pm
(to be exact:rolleyes:), the first ad,(of many) starts for men with problems of erectile dysfunction and goes on to tell you of the wonders of the drug, then they tell you of all the possible side effects, including the possibility of a four hour erection!. I'm glad my children aren't little, I'd hate to have to try and explain that one away!.

[Ivy]

I really wonder what Muslim members of the society might have to say about this. I mean schools are no longer meant to hand out hot cross buns at Easter as it might hurt the religious feelings of Muslims also it is considered as not being PC for companies to send Christmas cards to their customers, because they might have a non-Christian faith and might feel offended (I wouldn't know why. If someone would like to send me a Channuka card I would feel honoured but that's a different topic) Sex education is also a very soft matter for Muslims don't they feel offended when their children are taught the facts of life at that early age ( in fact an age where children in Germany. Switzerland ,Austria etc not even have started school.