cross-breastfeeding

[jazzactivist]

Hi all, I have been interested in the current debate on whether it is acceptable for women to share the breastfeeding of one another's babies. Wet-nursing, where a woman is paid to breastfeed another woman's baby, was historically acceptable practice in Europe until the end of the Victorian era, and is still 'bought' by some high-flying working women. The feminist movement has both supported bottle feeding to free women from the tie of regular breastfeeding, and has done a lot to promote breastfeeding as free and natural and best for a woman and her children, and something that belongs only to women. The Nestle baby milk campaign has run for 30 years to raise awareness of Nestle providing free, introductory formula to new mothers in poor countries and promoting bottle feeding as better and more convenient. This practice has been linked to high child mortality due to the cost of formula and unclean mixing water. Some women share breastfeeding in families and among friends, but it isn't often talked about.

Personally, I can't see a problem with women sharing breastfeeding, so long as the women concerned are healthy and willing, as this shared practice would enable babies to be breastfed but also free the mother from being constantly 'on tap'. However, some women argue that breastfeeding is more than just functionalist, it is an important process for building an individual bond with your baby. What do you think about it? Would you allow your baby to be breastfed by another woman, or breastfeed a family member or friend's baby if they couldn't? Or provide a breastfeeding service for money?

[Pippa]

What an interesting post, and what would you put on your CV 'Breastfeeder to the Masses?' I could never have handed my babies over to anyone else to feed, I fed them myself for about 10 months and it is a special time with baby, for bonding, talking to or just admiring with wonder. Today, expressing breast milk is so much easier, can them be kept in fridge until required, I cannot see that it is necessary to have a wet nurse, after all, we now have a choice whether to have a baby or not, unlike the Victorians who had none. If a women chooses to have a child, then please think about how you are going to feed, when to go back to work etc. I would like women to 'have it all' but in reality we cannot, our bodies need to recover after giving birth, so being at home feeding baby is the best thing for the first 6 months, then you can think about returning to work. I sometimes think these high powered women have babies as a fashion accessory rather than a yearning to become a Mother, we have choice, use it.

[jazzactivist]

Would you breastfeed a family member's or close friend's baby if she couldn't feed her/him herself, though, Pippa? Say, if the baby's mother had a serious illness and asked you to? In some cultures shared breastfeeding is the norm, with mothers even breastfeeding piglets and puppies alongside their babies, so maybe in European culture we are just too individualistic, and medically led to focus on the development of our own nuclear family? I think that it is a very interesting issue, and it seems to me that there are all sorts of ways of looking at it. Is the value of close human contact and the health benefits of breast milk, with a baby feeding from any woman, better than the disconnectedness of a bottle of expressed milk or formula? Are we just culturally too squeamish and at heart believe the idea that breasts are mainly sexual and only for our own immediate family? What do other RM members think about this issue?

[franbee]

I breastfed both of my children for about 7 months, and firmly believe that it gives a baby the best start in life. Because I had so much milk the second time, I used to send milk up to the local baby unit, where it was very gratefully received. People used to joke that I should have had triplets! My cousin with a farm joked about me feeding the calves!
My sister in law was asked to breastfeed a neighbour's baby by the babysitter, because the baby wouldn't take the bottle. She did so, rather reluctantly, her OH rubbing his hands in glee and talking about wet nurses (they were always short of cash).
I think your question is one of those that is difficult to answer until the situation actually arises, however I would draw the line at puppies and piglets!

[Crocus]

Hi Jazz, this is quite an interesting thread, I must say. I couldn't breastfeed (Jaco was 2 months premature and having twins a bit difficult), so I missed out. It's very important and good for the bonding process. In itself I can't see much wrong with it, as long as the nursing mother is healthy and willing as you've mentioned, used in an emergency or the mother not well or something. From a personal point of view, I'm not quite sure about a breastfeeding service for money. I would rather donate it. I think as with most things, it would perhaps depend on the circumstances. x

[closetotheriver]

My breast feeding days are long over but I was one of those lucky women who had no problems breast feeding whatsoever and my three children never tasted formula milk or had a bottle of any sort even for boiled water or juice - they went straight from the breast to a feeder cup. Having said that I'm certainly not one of those women who believe that breast feeding is the be all and end all - my view was (and still is) that breast is best, but that if it didn't work out I wouldn't be beating myself up about it as there was a perfectly acceptable alternative available that plenty of people actively chose to use. I would never have engaged the services of a wet nurse because I lean towards the view that a woman's milk is tailored made for her own baby not someone elses. I suppose the fact that milk banks exist might point towards the fact that this is incorrect, but using donated milk is an entirely different kettle of fish to breast feeding someone else's baby. Personally I can think of very few circumstances when this might be necessary - my view has absolutely nothing to do with squeamishness or sex - more a belief, as I've already said, that breast milk is individually tailored and as such there is no great advantage in asking someone else to breast feed in your place.

[Sarahc]

I breastfed both my babies until they were 11 months with only one glitch. 2 weeks after first baby, I haemorhaged in a fairly major way and was rushed back into hospital in an ambulance. I was home alone and struggling to remain conscious so in no way capable of looking after her so had to leave her with a friend who coincidentally had given birth a few days after me. Luckily I had just fed baby but eventually a nurse came and said my friend had called and wanted to know what to do about feeding the baby. I know both of us must have thought about the option of her feeding my baby but it was such an alien concept as its such an uncommon practice that I just said to give her formula. I guess it seemed too much to ask on my part and too much to presume on hers. Fortunately she took the bottle fine as I'm sure my friends milk hadn't come in yet and she was struggling keeping up with her own hungry baby. Luckily I was able to keep my milk flowing and after a few days on intra venus drugs (doctors said were too strong for me to feed her) I was able to wean her back onto the breast.
Basically I think with the benefit of my experience I would agree that its ok to feed someone elses baby in an emergency and fine to use milk banks especially for special care babies, but I don't think I agree with paying for the convenience of a wet nurse just because i didn't want to do it myself. Not quite sure who signs up for this practice, I guess its the too posh to push brigade who pay to avoid traditional labour, then pay for someone to feed their baby, someone else to look after their baby then presummably send them away to boarding school. I wander what kind of warped experience of unconditional parental love they will grow up with?

[Ivy]

Sarahc I absolutely agree with you regarding the unwillingness of some parents to care. When I had my first child I was over-productive for months and could have easily fed an other baby. Sometimes there are these emergencies that require spontaneous help like in your case but otherwise I would have feld awkward suckling a strange baby. On the other hand a premature baby who's mother cant feed would certainly benefit from "real" milk compared to a formula that is made in a factory....

[dragonfly]

I desperately wanted to breast feed my boys but on both occations I had no milk (I had very bad pregnancies). I not only wanted to give them the the best milk I wanted the close bonding and intimate feeling of closeness. I would have loved a wet nurse for them for it probably isn't as good as mine would have been but better than the bottle, I was told breast milk contains anti bodies and things. I don't worry over this I did the best I could at the time but do feel I missed out on something special.

[jazzactivist]

There is a TV documentary about this, I think on Tuesday night on Channel 4. Check your TV guides in case I'm wrong. It is presented by Kate Garraway who explores what it is like to breastfeed other babies, the pros and cons of the arguments, other aspects etc. I am going to watch it, even though I have never breastfed a baby, as I think that this could be a the start of a major change in the way that we view infant feeding in our society.