Relationships

[Pippa]

Would you invite a widow or lone woman to your house for dinner, supper or a BBQ. Since I was widowed, my social life consists of meals with my children either at one of our homes or in a restaurant or coffee or lunch with girlfriends. I never get invited to a 'do' where there are couples, I'm hardly a femme fatale and find woman friends do a lot of things with their husbands and virtually have to ask permission tol meet me for lunch or just go out for the day. When I was married, we were never 'joined at the hip' and did lots of things with other people. So, would you invite a lone woman to dinner?

[fife]

Hi Pippa

Yes i would invite alone women or widow to dinner, if it was couples i would politely ask i the person was happy in that situation. Before i was married and indeed still do if we can't get a babysitter go on my own and it has never bothered me, although i know some people would not feel comfortable (personal choice). But i would never not give the invitation then they can make up there own mind!!!!!!!

[Ivy]

I not only would I DO my best friend has been separated from her husband for nearly two years (unfortunately my husband's cousin) but I invite her whenever we have a do and just on her own like when she was still married.

[jazzactivist]

Of course people should invite single women to dinner or out for lunch and other events. You are right Pippa to think that it is a bit odd if people don't, as it can lead to a lonely life for women who are on their own for whatever reason. I prefer to think of all the people that I know as individual friends, not as couples or singles, and treat them that way - so I frequently phone and ask one of a couple if s/he wants to go out with me, or come round. It is a bit old-fashioned to have a 'do' for couples and, horror of horrors, try to match up singles to make even numbers! Perhaps it's time to make changes in your social circle, as if you have the same friends as you had when your husband was with you then it could take a long time for them to view you as an independent person in your own right, especially if it is a couply crowd.

In a way you are lucky to be a fancy free woman again, and now just need some other fancy free women to link up with. Is there no chance of getting to know other single women in your locality? If it seems not, what about starting up your own dinner club for women in a similar position. Just make up some flyers and go and put them up in places where you think women will see them - certain shops, community centres etc. Ask them to email you, or to phone you, if they like the idea. When the first woman contacts you arrange to meet up for a coffee or a drink, and that is the start of your group. When others contact you, invite them to come along too. You might get the occasional man on his own contacting you, but for this I would suggest that you put him on the 'waiting list' and get back to him once you have a few women members to check him out and see if he fits in. It may take a little while but even if there are three of you to start with you can start a dinner club going to one another's houses for dress up meals on a rota, and also out for coffees and drinks and eventualy other events. I would urge you to take the first step and see how it goes. You might be surprised at how many women are in a similar position and wondering how to deal with it. If you need help with the flyer then email me and I am happy to help with it.

[Crocus]

Yes, kind of "The Singles' Dinner Club" or something in that order! My sister is a widow, and have this exact same problem. It's as if their friends don't know how to handle the situation, although her husband passed away 6 years ago. Fortunately two couples still invite her on a regular basis. Only problem though is that they have to collect her at home and take her back again as she refuses to drive in the dark. It's just to dangerous.

[Healing Hands]

Well Pippa, it is a shame like Jazz has said that are there any women in the same situation as yourself, as you know I am too and it is a shame we do not live closer as I think we would have a right old hoot together.

I do know how you feel, even when Nigel was alive and because he worked away so much I was finding that our friends were not inviting me out to diiner parties and of course the same when he passed away, I think women have a fear that a single women is going to walk of with her "husband!" Sad really that some women feel that way, must shows that they are insucure about their marrages maybe.

[sheddie]

Hi Pippa most of my group of close friends are either divorced years ago or widowed, so yes I would and do invite singles. I think Jazz has given you some very sound advice though and you should take her up on the leaflets. God helps those who help themselves isn't that what they say?X

[Oola]

To be honest with you, I don't have that many friends that I see, so nobody gets invited to dinner at my house! HOWEVER, should I be in the really enviable position of having different friends, I would definitely invite a single woman. I'm stable enough in my relationship to realise that not every single woman is like a praying mantis, out to steal my man from me.

Rich and I do tend to come as a set piece, although that's because when we go out it's mostly just us, or with family. When I go out with my friends from my old workplace, it's only ever me on my own, and likewise if he ever meets up with old uni friends, I don't go. I'm organising a massive year group reunion at school, quite a lot of people are going (90+) and some are bringing their other halves that never went to our school. But Rich and I are adamant that he's not going - he would be bored witless and wouldn't really know anyone, and he's happy enough to stay at home whilst I go out.

I don't know if a single women's club is completely the answer - maybe just a dinner evening (without sounding like some dodgy swinger's club), where singles and couples could meet. I've read about other single women feeling frustrated with other couples and this stigma that somehow they're on the prowl or need some sort of blind-date or matchmaking. I also remember someone saying about how they thought their coupley friends that she would fall apart in the company of other couples, and how ridiculous it all was. Perhaps you should drop some not-so-subtle hints to your friends, like how you haven't been out for a good old knees up with your mates for ages and you miss being able to go out for a meal with your friends, and whether they have anything planned. Maybe they'll think twice about leaving you off the guestlist.

[Pippa]

What a wonderful group of friends you all are. Thank you for all the advice and I like the idea of a dinner club, I will give it some thought.

[dinger]

Yes I say go for it pippa nothing ventured nothing gained as the saying goes.

[sheddie]

I think you may feel apprehensive at first Pippa but the more you did it the more you would get to know other people. having said that i am not in your position and would probably be feeling just the same.When I've spoken of my friends they are all quite a bit older than me, don't meet anyone I particularly click with at my age or a bit younger.